Opening Theme Song of Lady Georgie

Nakita ko ang larawan mo

At muling nagbalik sa akin ang lahat

Ang malambing na bulong na ako

Ang nagbibigay ng musika sa mundo

Sinabi mong ako ang himig ng iyong biyulin

Mga labi ko'y rosas na ginto

At ikaw ang pintor ng aking daigdig

Kinulayan natin ang mundo parang bahaghari

At ang maganda nito'y naging

Mas masikat pa sa araw

Isang yapos na mahigpit mula sa'yo, mahal

At magkasama tayong dalawa sa walang hanggan

Frail

Since yesterday, I've been subjected with this ordeal of having a fever. I don't know what's going on with me. Haha. I'm not as stressed out as before so I can't blame this to my work. And I guess, being a recruiter for 10 months made me robust in all these stress and frustrations.

But this fever is making me crazy. My head aches a lot. My hands and feet are ice cold. My face looks pale. And I look so sickly. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I have to be as strong and as healthy as can be. I can't afford to be sick. Not when I already took six days of my entitled leave credits. Grr! I only have four leave credits left and it's still January!

Bakit Hindi Pa Rin Ako Crush Ng Crush Ko?

"Nakakalito ang mundo. Kung sinong mahal mo siyang ayaw sa'yo."

Bigla akong natawa dahil sa linyang iyan kanina habang pinapakinggan ko ang mga kanta na nasa playlist ko. The song's title was "Kahit Habang-buhay" originally sung by Smokey Mountain and was revised by Yeng Constantino and Sam Milby. It became the theme song for Enchong and Erich's movie "I Do". 

Marami sa atin ang nakaka-relate sa linyang nasa itaas, hindi ba? Marami sa atin ang nakaranas at dinadanas pa rin hanggang ngayon ang tinatawag nilang "unrequited love" o "pag-ibig na hindi natugonan". Marami sa atin ang nagtataka kung bakit ganoon ang nangyayari. Bakit kaya kung gusto mo ang isang tao, hindi siya napapasaiyo? Bakit napupunta siya sa iba? Bakit iba ang mahal niya sa halip na ikaw? Bakit unfair ang mundo?

Well, isa ako sa mga taong nakaranas ng ganyan. Siguro hanggang ngayon, nasa ilalim pa rin ako ng kapangyarihan ng unrequited love. Hindi ko alam. Gusto kong isipin na nakapag-move on na ako. Gusto kong isipin na okay na para sa akin ang lahat. Gusto kong isipin na hindi ko na siya mahal. Pero sino ba ang dinadaya ko? Sino ba ang pinapaniwala ko? Hmm. Ang sarili ko. 

You see, my girlfriend na ang lalaking mahal ko. Ibig sabihin, gustuhin ko man o sa hindi, wala nang chance para magkaroon ng katuparan ang pinapangarap kong love story naming dalawa. Marami ang nagsabi sa akin na, "Uy, girlfriend pa lang naman 'yon. Maaagaw mo pa.". Haha! The thought seems too tempting yet, I couldn't bring myself to plot a scheme that would cause their break up. 

Ganito ang nararanasan ng majority sa atin kapag hindi tayo pinapansin ng taong crush o mahal natin. Marami kasing factor kung bakit deadma pa rin siya sa iyo. Gaya na lang ng mga ito:

1. MAY GIRLFRIEND NA SIYA/MAY MAHAL SIYANG IBA - Nalaman mo ang masaklap na katotohanang ito dahil sa lintik na "In A Relationship With" status sa Facebook. Nakita mo sa News Feed mo ang mukha nilang dalawa ng babaeng pinalit este pinili niya. Mas naging matibay ang katotohanang iyon dahil nang tingnan mo ang Facebook profile picture at cover photo niya, picture na nilang dalawa ng girlfriend niya ang nandoon. Sabi nga nila, kapag nasa Facebook na: It's official! Confirmed!

2. ITINUTURING KA NIYANG NAKABABATANG KAPATID - Marami sa atin ang nakaranas na rin na nalagay sa sitwasyon na ito. Feeling niya kasi, Kuya o Ate mo siya. Tingin niya sa'yo bubwit lang sa tabi niya at hindi boyfriend or girlfriend material. Bongga ang pagkahulog mo sa lalaking itinuturing kang nakababatang kapatid dahil extra caring siya sa'yo. Minsan, madaling natatanggap ng mga nakaranas ng ganito ang katotohanang nasa "sibling zone" lang sila. Minsan.

3. INILAGAY KA NIYA SA PAMOSONG "FRIEND ZONE" - Nalaman mong ganito ang status mo sa puso/buhay niya dahil bigla kang nag-confess sa kanya. Oo. Hindi na kinaya ng powers mo ang alab ng iyong pag-ibig para sa kanya kaya isinambulat mo na lahat dahil napagod ka nang magpanggap na kaibigan lang ang tingin mo sa kanya. "You're cool but I only consider you as my friend" iyan ang pamosong linya ng mahal mo kapag inilagay ka niya sa Friend Zone. Ano ba sa palagay niya, maiibsan ang sakit kung sasabihan ka niya na cool ka? Oy, dong! Hindi 'no?

4. FOCUS SIYA SA CAREER NIYA - Hayok siya sa trabaho niya. Hindi sa ayaw niya sa'yo at hindi rin sa gusto ka niya. Ang isip niya ay nasa trabaho lang talaga. Case closed.

5. WA-EPEK KA SA KANYA - Hindi ka lang talaga niya gusto. Mapa-sibling zone o friend zone man, wala ka sa kanya. Walang explaination ang ganito. Period.

So, kung minsan n'yo nang naitanong sa sarili n'yo kung bakit hindi pa rin kayo crush ng crush n'yo, baka isa sa mga nakalista sa itaas ang dahilan. Masakit, oo. Minsan pa nga, mahirap tanggapin. Gaya na lang ngayon na bigla kong nami-miss ang unggoy na iyon. Pero wala tayong magagawa kung ganyan talaga ang gusto ng tadhana para sa atin. Minsan kasi, ang taong sa tingin natin ay perpekto na para sa atin ay ang tao palang dapat nating iwasan dahil hindi siya makakapagdala ng kabutihan sa atin. Look around you, baka sakaling nasa paligid mo lang ang magbibigay ng "requited love" sa'yo. 

P.S., Hey! I miss you, really!

A Scene I Can't Erase

It has been seventeen days since Lola died and yet, I already miss her a lot. Last January 4, 2014, my beloved grandmother passed away after suffering in the state of coma for five days. Those five days were pure torture for us. And I couldn't even close my eyes for the fear of waking up with an SMS on my phone saying that she's gone.

Last March 2013, I promised to her that I would visit her. I'm taking residence in Cebu together with my mom and dad while my dad's family (Lola is Papa's mom) lives in Davao. Its not often that I get to visit her. Due to the busy life in the city much more, since I'm studying, I don't even get to talk to her often over the phone. Well, last March, I promised her that I would be there after my graduation. I was so excited that time - so eager to see her; so eager to be with my family in Davao. Then, days after my graduation, I got a call for a job offer. I accepted the job and thus, postponed my visit to Davao. My mom and dad told me that it would be wise to cancel that vacation and focus on work first since I can go home to Davao on my own whim once I have my own income. That made sense. So, I followed my mom and dad's advice. I called Lola and told her about my plan which she said she fully understood. I promised to be with her on the upcoming Christmas of 2013.

December 2013 - My supposed visit was then again cancelled due to my job's high demand. Recruitment was pretty demanding at that time because there were a lot of open positions and most of them were technical positions. I just couldn't leave my partner alone much more, leave heaps of tasks on my table. I broke my promise again. I told my aunt (dad's eldest sister) that I'll be visiting on the coming of June of 2014. But, the Lord has a different plan. On the last week of December 2013, my grandmother fell tremendously ill. Half of her body got paralyzed and resulted to coma. When I heard the news, I knew that in one way or another the promise that I made is bound to break.

January 4, 2014 - After days of frightening calls about Lola's worsening condition, my family and I decided to fly to Davao immediately. The plane ticket was booked at exactly 2:00 PM on the said day. I was excited. Excited because finally, I can see her. I can go home. I can go home to the other half of me. On that day, I was just so disturbed. Maybe it was because of the many sleepless nights and horrifying news, but, really, that day was just so distracting for me. I went to church with my teammate and talked to Lola through my prayers. I prayed for her condition to get better and at the same time telling her that she can let go if she wants to. It would hurt me, it would hurt us but I just couldn't imagine her suffering even more. Just as I left the church, I received a call from my dad; his voice was broken and I knew he was crying: "Your Lola is gone.". I didn't felt the ground beneath me when the call ended. I couldn't even summon the strength to take another step and walk. Instead, I found myself inside a taxi, heading home without nothing in my head but the ringing of Papa's words.

The next day, I was in Davao already. At first, I refused to believe that she's gone. I refused to take it into my heart that I lost my grandma. Maybe, all of those things that I heard was just a mistake. Maybe when I get there, I will see her, with her arms wide open like she always does when I arrived from Cebu before. But then, reality took its place when, instead of a warm hug, a coffin was waiting for me there with my grandma inside. For nights, after the prayers and ceremonies, I didn't left her side. I took the turn of being with her almost every night because I wanted to at least compensate with the times that I should've been there for her. For all those promises that were broken, I wanted to make it up to her. Because I love her so much.

Dear Lola, 

The tears that I shed right now is not because I am sad. It's because I miss you already. I miss your songs. I miss your tender kisses and warm hugs. I miss your stories and your jokes. I miss how you play with my hair. I miss how you watch over me whenever I wonder and bathe in the sea. I miss you... I miss you so much. Please kiss Lolo for me. I miss him, too. I miss both of you.

I love you so much.

-K